What Do You Want?
/Recently, I was a guest in a young-married Bible study class, invited by my friend Clark. The class had been discussing ways to do discipleship better; I was there to discuss a mentoring exercise I do called Journey Group. It’s been an important part of my personal ministry, but also of my own spiritual maturity and growth. I’ve learned as much from the men I meet with as they have learned from me.
Before the class, Clark emailed a list of questions, and I spent a week working through my answers, trying to understand my own motives and desires and expectations for the groups. I knew the answers, but not how to articulate them out loud to new listeners.
Until Clark’s invite, I hadn’t spent much time thinking through the program. Well, not true – I spend a lot of time thinking through everything I do, including Journey Groups – specifically about structure, procedure, and what can be improved. But this project was different; I’d avoided analyzing something that was working, afraid to ruin it.
The thing is, Clark knows as much about Journey Groups as I do. It wasn’t details he was after; he wanted to hear what I would say and how I would say it. His list of questions was more for my benefit than for him.
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In two of my favorite Bible stories Jesus asked the question: “What do you want?”
One story is found in John 5:6, when Jesus encountered a man who had been paralyzed for thirty-eight years. Jesus asked, “Do you want to get well?”
The other story is about the time a man named Bartimaeus, who was blind and a beggar, asked Jesus for mercy. In Mark 10:51 Jesus asked Bartimaeus, “What do you want me to do for you?”
The curious part of both stories is, why did Jesus ask them what they wanted? The answer should’ve been obvious to everyone. Except that Jesus never asked questions because he wanted information. He already knew all there was to know. Jesus asked questions for the benefit of the other person rather than for himself. Jesus asked, “What do you want?” because each man needed to hear his own answer, out loud, in public.
That question – what do you want - can be surprisingly difficult to answer. For example, I’ve prayed frequently that God would heal my left foot and ankle. Is that what I want?
I have flat feet, no arches. My feet have never been flexible, and I can’t extend them as much as I should. Through the years my toes have taken on bizarre shapes, but I didn’t care as long as I could still run and walk. It isn’t a recent phenomenon – my feet have been that way since I first got them. However, they never bothered me, and for years and years I never thought about them. They carried me through nine marathons and thirty-thousand miles of running. I should be happy, right?
But last year my left ankle started collapsing and suddenly, almost overnight, I was limping. I now have custom orthotics in my shoes, and they help, but I seldom go without discomfort in my ankle and foot.
I believe in the power of prayer, but it feels strange to pray for lifelong chronic problems. In the back of my mind, I think this must be how God wanted me – since the root cause goes back to the beginning. Why would God respond to my prayer and fix it all now when this was how he created me?
How would I answer if Jesus, looking down at my left foot, asked, “What do you want?”
In truth, I can put up with a bit of pain and limping. I don’t expect my life to be easy. I’m content when compensating and working my way through problems. What I really want is continued use of my ankle, so I can run – no matter how slow – and hike – again, slow – and bike, for years to come. I want the confidence to plan adventure trips such as hiking the Camino de Santiago and the Colorado Trail.
My answer today when Jesus asks what I want? Show me how to keep moving forward, both down the trail, and through the lives of these young men and women.
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“I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free.” Psalm 119:32
