Being Courageous

      It’s a fundamental question: Do I have what it takes? Am I enough? Everything we do comes down to that question. For me, it even affects the type of movies I like.

      We recently observed another Iron Men Late Night Movie. We went to see Midway, at 10:15 pm, and of course, we had the theater mostly to ourselves except for a slight scattering of other men.

      I really enjoyed the movie. I know it’s been battered by movie critics, but I don’t care about that. Those same critics probably wouldn’t like Iron Men class, either.

      I used to watch the 1976 Midway movie every time it came on television, as in, “Mom, dad is watching Midway again, and he’s hogging the TV.” It didn’t matter if I carefully explained why the Battle of Midway was so important and how it changed the trajectory of WW2 in the Pacific, and how we owed it to the young men flying the airplanes to know their story. They’d heard it all before.

      An interesting thing about war movies: I realized several years ago that Cyndi and I see different stories when we watch. She hurts for the loss of life, the cruelty, and the pain. I wonder how I would behave under the same circumstances. She worries about other people; I worry about myself.

      I prefer war movies over action thrillers or superheroes. There is nothing contrived or fake about the violence of actual historical battles, like Midway, Chancellorsville, Omaha Beach, Bannockburn, or Guilford Courthouse. The scenes in the movie, while certainly adapted for cinema, are based on real events that happed to real men just like me. I don’t see violence and death straightaway. What I see first is courage and bravery and dedication to companions and scared men making life-or-death decisions on-the-fly without enough information or training … and in the back of my mind I wonder if I would be so brave

      My airline pilot friend, Jeff, saw the movie with his 94-year-old dad who served in the south Pacific during WW2. He wore his veteran’s cap to the movie and got lots of attention from other attendees. He was, after all, hanging with an appreciative crowd. Jeff wrote, “I remain in his shadow.”

      The Bible reminds us, in 1 Corinthians 16:13, Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Every time I read this verse I can’t get past asking myself: Have I done anything courageous in my life?

      I never served in the military, so never dive-bombed an enemy ship, but I did train and run nine marathons. Is that enough?

      I’ve made multiple solo backpacking trips, none of which seem especially risky or dangerous to me, but the way some people ask about them indicate they might be courageous. I’m not so sure.

      I campaigned for political office door-to-door, which was not only terrifying, but also energy draining and exhausting. Was that courageous? I certainly don’t want to do it again.

      I’ve made a couple of decisions for next year that will change my self-identity and there is a small bit of risk in that. However, I don’t know if that counts as courageous, or just my next stage of life.

      I suppose I’ll continue to test my courage as I get older - at least, that’s my hope. Don’t expect me to see me base jumping from the Guadalupe Western Escarpment or slacklining between buildings in downtown Midland. Those are for someone else. But I want the challenge of living as God has called me. I want to find ways to give myself away every day. I want to improve my music, and my writing, and my teaching. Those are hardly the equivalent of flying a torpedo bomber, but scary enough.

“I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free.” Psalm 119:32