Do You Need Help?

Being reminded of your limitations is not pleasant. It’s hard being the one who needs help. It doesn’t seem very leaderly. And yet, it’s a blessing to be surrounded by friends and family willing support those limitations. That is good news; that is grace, indeed.

Early Friday morning a couple of weeks ago Cyndi and I noticed one of our two Pistache trees leaning against our house. I was driving home from early morning pump class at the gym and caught the non-vertical anomaly in my peripheral vision.

It had apparently rotted from the roots just below ground level. The trunk was not broken, but leaning at the surface, and there was no disturbance of the ground around it. The tree seemed somewhat stable in its lean, it wasn’t hurting the house, so we left it alone to drive to New Mexico for a family wedding.

That Sunday afternoon our friend and tree-whisperer, Miles, came over to look at the tree and give advice. He confirmed our fears. The tree was a goner. Even though the leaves were still green, its days were limited. He said we could straighten it up and stake it vertical but it would fall again someday, and it might be bigger, and it might land some something or someone we care about.

Since we are several months away from planting season we decided to leave our leaning tree the way it was for a while. At least it was throwing off shade.

And then last Wednesday night a fierce storm blew through the neighborhood. The next morning we noticed the tree was still standing, but it was now leaning a different direction, against the porch. It seemed more unstable than before. It was time to take it down.

Remarkably, with no regard to my personal history, in full optimism, I borrowed a chainsaw from Clark. I say all that because my experience with chainsaws is they don’t start when I am holding them. Maybe they start and work all day for you but not for me. It is a glaring hole in my man card.

So Friday afternoon, even though Clark’s saw was almost new, used only once, I couldn’t get it started. I even put in a new spark plug, drained the fuel and replaced it, read the manual and followed all the steps. No joy.

My across-the-alley neighbor, Randy, saw my dilemma and loaned his electric chainsaw. I was able to start it, but smoke poured out of the motor, so I returned it before I destroyed it.

We borrowed another electric chainsaw from Cyndi’s sister, Tanya, but it was too dark to do anything safely so I decided to attack the tree the next day after my bike ride.

Saturday morning I rode a long way, getting home about noon, only to discover my tree had been cut down and the branches piled on the sidewalk near the street. Some lumberjack elves (I was going to say wood elves, but no one likes wood elves) did the job for me.

I went to eat lunch and do some writing before hauling away the tree branches. But, afterward, when I drove up to my house, there was Randy and his son pulling away. They had put all the branches in Randy’s pickup and were about to haul them off. I barely arrived in time to catch them. Randy jumped out of his truck, shook my hand, I told him thanks, and he took off to finish his good dead.

Besides being a good guy and great neighbor and the kind of friend we all hope to have, I think Randy fixed my problem partly because he felt sorry for me. Cyndi told him I was a chainsaw loser, so he took care of me.

Letting other people help you is often the hardest thing in the world. We are more comfortable giving than receiving. It is hard to accept help, even harder than admitting chainsaw incompetence.

One of the things I’ve learned these past few years is how I overrated self-sufficiency in my younger years. I used to consider it one of my best features. I liked that I could sneak through life without asking or needing much from anyone else. And while I still work hard to not be needy, I have learned the value of letting people help me. I was never as good at stuff as I thought. I need help. We must be willing to receive if we expect to know the grace of God. Only empty-handed people can understand grace.

“I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free.” Psalm 119:32

I need your help. The primary reason people read these articles is because people like you share with friends, so please do. And thank you. Also, you can find more of my writing on my weekly blog, read insights on Tumblr, and follow me on Twitter and Facebook.

Questions About Life Goals

“Madden, would you like to go backpacking with me someday?” I asked. “Sure, Pops.”

I knew she would say yes to anything I suggested we do together, so I elaborated.

“That means we put food and clothes and sleeping bag and tent in our backpacks and hike up a long trail in the mountains and spend the night in the woods. It’s really hard work, but it is fun.”

“OK,” she said.

“How old do you think you should be for us to go together?”

“How about ten?”

“That’s perfect.” Since Madden is 6-1/2 I have 3-1/2 years to plan a trip.

I’ve had “Go backpacking with grandchildren” on my list of 100 Life Goals since I put my first list together in 2009, before I even had any grandchildren. It was one of several goals that was only partially up to me since who knew if there would be any grandchildren at all, and who knew if they would want to go backpacking, and who knew if I would still be healthy and mobile enough to do it when they got old enough. I still don’t know any of those for certain, except the first one.

That conversation reminded me that I should take advantage of my 60^th-year transition and rebuild my 100 Life Goals list. Some of those original goals have been accomplished, and some others aren’t important to me anymore. One that needs to be modified: I made a goal to read 10,000 books, but at my current reading rate that will take another 135 years.

I’ve been a goal setter and list maker as far back as I remember. Goal setting is about making moves now based on what you want your life to look like ten or twenty years from now. I make a list of New Year’s Goals almost every January 1, but the urge to create a big list of 100 Life Goals came after I read Mark Batterson’s book, Wild Goose Chase. It isn’t an easy project. Everyone can come up with four or five big goals they want to accomplish, but writing down 100 is hard.

I have scratched about 15 goals from my first list of 2009, things I no longer care enough about to do them. I need to replace those with current goals.

I’ve also accomplished about 16 of my first-list goals. I haven’t yet decided if I should replace them. Should a list be something I whittle away at until I’ve accomplished every last one, or should it be an expanding document that always has 100 goals on it? I don’t know. I suppose my Life Goal List will always be a rough draft because I intend to keep setting new goals and tweaking old ones.

I used to have my list of 100 Life Goals on my webpage, but I just checked and apparently my webpage is in the process of falling apart. I suppose I should add Rebuilding my Webpage to my list. I’ll post a link when I have my new list up and ready. I want to make it public because maybe someone out there can help me find a way to accomplish a few goals that seem impossible to me, but I’m not ready to publish it today since I need five or six more to finish out 100. Any suggestions?

What I’m really hoping to do is inspire and encourage you to start on your own list. Here is a link to Batterson’s tips for setting Life Goals, as well as examples to help you do it. If you type “100 Life Goals” into Google you’ll find many more examples from a wide variety of people.

It’s a worthy exercise, and I would love to see your list when you have it. Email a copy to me, and I’ll sent mine to you. Maybe we can help each other. Goal setting is stewardship; it’s making the most of the time, talent, and resources God has given you.

“I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free.” Psalm 119:32

I need your help. The primary reason people read these articles is because people like you share with friends, so please do. And thank you. Also, you can find more of my writing on my weekly blog, read insights on Tumblr, and follow me on Twitter and Facebook.

Passing Down Family Traditions

Learning to ride a bicycle – one moment you can't balance because it's too scary, then suddenly you are riding on your own with a skill you'll keep the rest of your life. It is not a linear learning curve, the kind where you gradually improve, like learning a musical instrument or lifting weights. Instead, learning to ride a bike is a step function, it happens all at once. No matter the advice and coaching we get, it comes down to a personal revelation. Something in the brain clicks, and you are a bicycle rider.

This week, that specific something clicked in the brain of our granddaughter Madden. She and her sister, Landry, were visiting us in Midland for what my wife has titled “Gran Camp,” four days filled with fun and games and swimming lessons and cycling and horseback riding. Cyndi is the champion at squeezing as many experiences as possible into a few days, and she is tireless when introducing granddaughters to new experiences. She was the one who gave Madden her first push off on the tiny bicycle and watched her ride away. Well done.

Cyndi borrowed two small bicycles and one tricycle from our friends, the Hammontrees. One advantage of teaching a young couples Bible study class is we have access to lots of outgrown if heavily-used kids gear. The youngest of the Hammontree trio of boys, Hudson, was wary about loaning his bicycle to a stranger girl, but his generosity was our gain. And the economy's gain. Cyndi has gone bicycle shopping already.

cycling with Madden

I love it when people tell bicycle stories because the stories go all the way back to when the storyteller was five or six years old. Riding a bicycle is one of the first independent skills a child can learn. Once they take off and feel the speed and control, there is no calling them back. It is about freedom more than transportation or exercise.

My first bike was a huge Roadmaster single-speed with coaster brakes, fenders, black, and indestructible. I rode that bike to school almost every day. After school my friends and I would ride all the way home without touching the handlebars. I remember the crossing guard at Highway 302 stopping traffic before we got there so we could fly across the highway with hands raised high over our heads. We were amazing. We were flying.

So I am excited for little Miss Madden and her future bicycle stories. I can't wait to go riding with her. It is a family tradition, a human human tradition that has successfully jumped another generation in our tribe. And isn't the passing of traditions part of our prime directive as grandparents?

cycling with Landry

I must mention our youngest granddaughter, Landry, almost three, who was flying around the parking lot on one of the Hammontree's small tricycles. I suppose this is another family tradition, but everywhere she rode was a race, and it was important that she won every time. She even trash talked and threw raspberries when she passed someone. Who knows what she will be up to next summer at the 2017 Gran Camp.

Here's the thing: The traditions Cyndi and I want to pass down are bigger than cycling or swimming or even horseback riding. We hope to imprint a willingness to tackle new things, scary adventures, and to keep moving. We aren't as edgy as I made it sound – we don't climb frozen waterfalls or juggle chainsaws - but we want these girls to grow up dreaming big. We say “You are so brave” more often that we say “You are so pretty.”

And I have to say, Well done to Cyndi Simpson. She made the big plans and taught lifetime skills while I sat safely in my office typing into spreadsheets. She did all the work; I got to be in the photos. In our 37 years together, Cyndi has dragged me into attempting new things and scary adventures (including dancing), and she's encouraged me to keep moving. Both my road bike and my backpack were gifts from her. I am a fortunate man to have her encouragement; a better man to have her influence.

“I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free.” Psalm 119:32

Dribbler

Most of the time wisdom and age travel together; sometimes age travels alone. For example, Wednesday morning I dribbled my breakfast burrito down the front of my shirt. It was quite depressing. I’ve been feeding myself for a long time; I should be a more reliable eater by now. There is a haunting voice in my head that says I should be past some of these problems. I should be further along.

As I drove away from the fine dining establishment where I’d sat reading and writing and dribbling, I wondered whether I should go home first to change shirts.

Had I still worked at Apache, which was filled with hopeful young adults when I was there, I would certainly go home to change. I’d prefer not to be the old guy of the office shuffling aimlessly among the cubicles with dirty clothes.

I belong to a group at my church where I usually sit next a man who’s twenty years older than I am, and who wears predictable and persistent food stains on his black shirt. Every week. Sometimes the stains are new, and sometimes the old ones disappear, yet, he wears food stains regularly. I don’t want that to be people’s memory of me.

But I don’t work at Apache nowadays. I work for a smaller family-owned company, and there are four of us in the office on the busiest days. We are all in the same age group, meaning all of us have seen enough of life we aren’t easy to impress and hard to discourage. And so, I drove straight to the office without changing.

Besides, it wasn’t a white shirt, it was dark blue, and since I sit behind a desk behind my computer screen all day, the salsa stain wouldn’t be that obvious.

In my office building I kept my portfolio across my chest while riding the elevator with well-dressed stain-free classy people. Once again, I didn’t want to be that guy, even if I actually was that guy.

Later that day, during one of our frequent rambling office conversations, I learned that all three men working in the office had some sort of stain on their shirt, all from that morning. When I told my Apache story, and said I didn’t worry about embarrassing my age-group since everyone in the office was my age-group, Bob said, “And no one cares about your shirt. Isn’t it great!”

Wes, a great friend who also recently turned 60 years old, told me that one of his mentors – and let me stop right here and say how cool it is to still have mentors at 60, to know men I want to grow up to be like … Wes and I agreed about that – told him that the next ten to fifteen years will be the most influential of his life. His friend said: Don’t waste a day.

So my most influential years are beginning and I have salsa dribble on my shirt. Bummer.

Even the Apostle Paul realized he wasn’t yet who he hoped he’d be. He wrote in Romans 7, “I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.”

Here’s the thing about this story. Maybe what we offer the world isn’t a perfect life, a pristine story, or even a clean shirt. Perfect people have little effect on the world, and few people listen to their advice … their story is too unbelievable and their advice unfollowable if not completely irrelevant.

When we read the Bible we see that time after time God chose to work with those who limped through life wearing stained clothes. We are in good company.

Here’s the good news. I don’t dribble food on my clothes every day. I hope I have a stain-free shirt when you and I meet, but if I’m holding my portfolio across my chest, just don’t ask. Let me shuffle on my way to the old guy’s section.

“I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free.” Psalm 119:32

I need your help. The primary reason people read these articles is because people like you share with friends, so please do. And thank you. Also, you can find more of my writing on my weekly blog, read insights on Tumblr, and follow me on Twitter and Facebook.

Scary First Steps

Why is the first step often so scary? What is it we are afraid of? I remember the first time I went rappelling at a Wild at Heart Boot Camp at Frontier Ranch in Colorado. It was, well, terrifying.

The scariest part was waiting for my turn. Could I do this? Would I chicken out at the last minute? Would I be the only one who froze-up halfway down the cliff and the belay-guy had to rescue me? I watched guy after guy take off in graceful ease like they were born to do this – the way cool guys can always do things when someone like me is watching. I tried to pay attention while the instructor explained what to do, but I was too nervous to listen.

However, once I cleared the platform, stepped over the edge, and had my feet planted on the rock face, I was no longer afraid. I fed the rope through my D-ring at a steady pace, making my way down the mountain with beautiful bouncing steps. I was amazing. I was one of the cool guys. I hooted so loud I could hear the echo off the opposite canyon wall. I was the man of unlimited courage!

That is, until we made our way over to the high ropes course. I immediately deteriorated from courage-guy to fraidy-cat-guy. It was pathetic.

I wasn’t afraid of falling to my death. I trusted the gear and construction and guides. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to finish the course and they’d have to stop everyone to pluck me from the scaffolding.

But once I moved past that first step on the cable, I wasn’t afraid. I focused on the task at hand, kept my eyes on the wire, inched my feet along, and held on to the overhead hand ropes. I didn’t worry how goofy I looked; I just kept going.

In his book Running With the Pack, Mark Rowlands wrote, “That is the magical thing about first steps. Before that step I was outwardly calm but inwardly riddled with doubt. Will my calf hold together? Will I be able to go the distance? How painful will this be? How humiliating? But with that first step, all my doubts are washed away by the quiet calm of certitude.”

I remember how afraid I was taking the first step to marry Cyndi - asking her. Not scared that she would say No, but scared to move into the great unknown life ahead. However, after that first question, after that December 1978 night, I’ve never been afraid of being married. Still not.

My first steps in my first marathon, in 1983, weren’t so scary, but only because I didn’t know enough to understand what I was getting in to. However, I remember several marathons later when I ran the Paper Chase in Amarillo in 1998, that first step was very scary. I’d piled too much emotional baggage on that race and made my fears even deeper. Until they fired the gun and I took my first step. Then I just kept running. As it turned out, I finished in a reasonable time (for me), on my own two feet, and I could still walk the next day.

Mountaineer David Lloyd George warned, “Don’t be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You can’t cross a chasm in two small jumps.”

When Cyndi and I left the adult Bible study class where we’d taught for fifteen years, a warm and safe class full of our own age-group peers, to begin a new class of 20-year-old newlyweds, well, the first steps were frightening. I loved teaching, and I knew I was good at it, but I wasn’t at all convinced what I did would work with these youngsters. Would they understand any of my cultural references? Would I understand theirs?

Yet, as soon as I started teaching that first Sunday morning it felt like the place where I belonged. But I had to dive in, cross the chasm, before it felt good.

How about you? What are the scary first steps in front of you that have you stopped in your tracks? Maybe it’s time to leap forward. James Lawrence says, “A better you lies just on the other side of fear.”

I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free.” Psalm 119:32

I need your help. The primary reason people read these articles is because people like you share with friends, so please do. And thank you. Also, you can find more of my writing on my weekly blog, read insights on Tumblr, and follow me on Twitter and Facebook.

Looking Forward to 60

As I write this, I’m 21,901 days old. The reason I know this is I followed Psalm 90:12, which tells us to “number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” I used Excel to count the days since I didn’t have time to actually count the pages on a calendar. What does 21,901 days mean? It means I’m 59.96 years old, firmly perched on the line of my 60^th year. Being true to my analytical self I’ve been trying to understand what that means.

I remember when I turned 50 people asked if it bothered me. In fact, it made me happy. It was a relief to no longer feel the pressure to be cool or stylish or hip. I went straight for eccentric, which is much more fun.

But that was 9.96 years ago; what about now? What do I expect when I turn 60? Who will I become?

Naturally, I did a Google search on the number 60 to see what showed up. I learned there are four Archimedean Solids with 60 vertices. The most interesting one in my opinion is the Truncated Icosahedron (think of a soccer ball, with 32 faces, 90 edges, and 60 vertices). It has the best potential for a birthday cake, or it would if I was a cake guy. I would rather have Cyndi’s homemade apple pie than a birthday cake, no matter what the shape.

I learned that the Latin term sexagena refers to 5 dozen, or 60, and was the typical ransom for a captured Teutonic Knight.

I read about the Babylonians who used a base-60 numbering system. Since I usually confuse myself when calculating non-base-10 numbers, I asked my go-to expert in all things, Daryl Jensen whether my Babylonian age would be 1 or 10. He wrote back, “If you were to translate Babylonian symbols to Arabic numerals, you would actually be 10. However, even that is problematic since the Babylonians had no symbol for 0. My understanding is that the difference between 1 and 60 (which would look identical using Babylonian symbols) had to be inferred from context.” I’m sure if you hang out with me you’ll get the context.

The Bible says in Genesis 25:26 that Isaac was 60 years old when his twin sons Jacob and Esau were born. Fortunately, Cyndi and I have put the birthing of babies behind us.

Sports cars are rated by how long it takes them to go from 0 mph to 60 mph. I don’t know what to do with this, though, since I  have never been an accelerator but a steady-stater.

I read too many magazine articles about how 60 is the new 40 (or even the new 30), but I’ve never heard any 30- or 40-year-olds say this. In fact, I don’t want to be 40 again. I am much more comfortable with my place in life, comfortable in my own skin, now, that I was 20 years ago. When I turned 40 I was just beginning my city government phase and it was still scary and uncertain.

The same magazine articles like to point out that 70 has replaced 60 as the normal retirement age. Maybe so. I’m afraid I would be bored if I completely retired from working … probably hole-up in my cave and never come out. Cyndi once told me my writing gets narrow and shallow when I’m not around people, working. If she’s correct, and she usually is, I should keep working as long as I plan to keep writing. That’s a long time.

I learned the number 60 represents the global Karma of the Universe, but I have no idea what that means and I don’t plan to study it any further.

Bible Gateway reminded me the gold statue which king Nebuchadnezzar commissioned, the same one that got Daniel in trouble, was 60 cubits high. I won’t be building a 60-cubit statue of myself. That too creepy. And besides, Nebuchadnezzar is a particularly lousy role model to follow.

       I wrote this in my book, Retreating With God: “I’ve never been afraid of growing older and never bothered if I looked older. I was not afraid of the future. As I got older I thought more people listened to me and trusted me. I liked the gray in my hair for that very reason. My prayer had been that my countenance would show the hope and joy I felt in my life. I wanted to be one of those graceful sparkling old guys who leaned boldly into the future with anticipation, not one of those crusty ‘Hey you kids get off my lawn’ sort of old men.”

And so, I am looking forward to turning 60, and to the next 60 years after that. I want my writing and teaching to be an invitation to a larger, more intimate, and deeper life with God. I hope to call out and record those moments that move us closer to God, that demonstrate his loving hand in our everyday lives.

“I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free.” Psalm 119:32

 I need your help. The primary reason people read these articles is because people like you share with friends, so please do. And thank you. Also, you can find more of my writing on my weekly blog, read insights on Tumblr, and follow me on Twitter and Facebook.

An Infinite View of Life

Friday noon, I ate my lunch while perched on a flat boulder in the shade of a giant juniper tree. When I am backpacking I become expert at finding rest spots in the shade, boulders with flat spots to take the weight of my pack and just the right height for sitting. I seldom pass one by. This particular find was near the South Rim of the Chisos Mountains, and in addition to shade and rest it provided a stunning view across the Chihuahuan Desert toward the Sierra del Carmen Mountain Range in Mexico.

I realize these desert views are an acquired taste. Not everyone enjoys them like I do, and I don’t enjoy them to exclusion of all else. Given a choice in backpacking trips I’d prefer green forests, mountain streams, and high-altitude cool air. I’d rather hike somewhere I don’t have to carry my own water, a gallon per day.

But there is clarity and honesty here. The desert doesn’t care if we like it, doesn’t try to be hospitable. It makes us feel like visitors, aliens, able to survive only if we plan ahead and bring food and water. There is no living off the land in this wild country. There is no shade, no shelter, no respite, no compassion. This is a take-it-or-leave it world.

The view from the South Rim is also striking because it is so abrupt. Standing on the edge, you are at 7,000’ elevation. The cliff drops instantly 1,000’, then another 3,000’ over the next few miles. It’s impressive in the complete lack of transition.

       I’m not a black-or-white thinker; not binary. While I value my own considered opinions, generally assuming I’m always right and always smartest (sorry), I actually change my mind about important things more often than you might assume. I’m constantly reevaluating and reconsidering what I know and believe. I spend most of my thinking in the gray areas, in the transitions, considering options and weighing opinions. That’s one reason I’m drawn to places in the world where there are no easy transitions; they touch the part of my heart that longs for absolutes.

I recently looked into my very first writing journal, from 1995, and on the first page I found this prompt: “Write about things without transitions and how I feel about them … such as the cliffs at Dover, Crater Lake, Manhattan, Palo Duro Canyon.” I’m sure I would have included the South Rim had I experienced it back then.

This past month I reread Calvin Miller’s book, Into the Depths of God, and in it he quoted Luke 9:23, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me.” Miller asked: So why don’t we do it – why don’t we deny ourselves?

One reason is we focus too much on the braking system of our life rather than the steering wheel. We worry more about how to stop sinning than about how to live. Miller wrote, We should spend less time asking, Can I put the brakes on life? and more time asking, Where do I want to go in life?

There is deep magic in the Chihuahuan Desert. Even the gray-brown color palette is beautiful in its subtleties. The infinite view, blocked only by the curvature of the earth, speaks to the eternity God placed in our hearts. It makes me feel transcendent. It makes me want to do more with my life.

“I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free.” Psalm 119:32

I need your help. The primary reason people read these articles is because people like you share with friends, so please do. And thank you. Also, you can find more of my writing on my weekly blog, read insights on Tumblr, and follow me on Twitter and Facebook.

Sheltered in Boot Canyon

I finally punched my South Rim ticket, checked off another of my 100 Life Goals, and I was not disappointed. The view was amazing; the energy on the edge of the cliff exceeded all my expectations. While getting my backcountry permit at the Chisos Basin Visitor Center, which in itself was a little disappointing since it was only a piece of paper instead of a tag wired to my backpack, I learned that Big Bend National Park does not allow hammock tents, which was exactly the type of tent I had with me. I had to make some last minute changes. I left my hammock in my pickup and took only my rain fly. I also bought four extra tent stakes in the Big Bend store in case I needed additional tie-downs.

The weekend weather forecast was clear sunny skies in the 90s, so I hadn’t packed any rain gear. Which means, it started raining while I was still in the parking lot. I dug a rain jacket from behind the back seat of my pickup and converted it to a pack cover. I didn’t much care if I got wet but I wanted to keep my sleeping bag and extra clothes dry.

Once I finally hiked in to the Boot Canyon campsite, setting up my rain fly as a shelter in was easier than I’d feared. Probably because I spent three hours on the trail thinking how to do it. Also because it wasn’t windy, raining, or dark.

Just as the sun was going down a young hipster hiker walked past my campsite and said admiringly, “Nice lightweight shelter.” I said, “Thanks,” as if that had been my plan all along.

As part of my original plan I had my Therm-A-Rest sleeping pad with me to spread my hammock for more comfort. It turned out to be a great idea; it was all I had between my sleeping bag and the dirt.

Remarkably, I slept better than any other first-night-on-the-ground ever. I was surprised considering how awkward it was to get inside my shelter and get comfortable

Friday morning, I hiked around the South Rim and it was stunningly beautiful. I even took time to sit in the shade and read and write a bit before moving back down the trail. And then, to my surprise, I arrived at my campsite at Laguna Meadows at 2:30 in the afternoon, much earlier than I’d expected. What should I do? Did I really want to pitch my shelter and hang around six hours until dark? Should I just hike on down?

I perched on a boulder and prayed, “Show me what to do. It makes logical sense to hike on down this afternoon, but will I miss something you want to say to me tomorrow on the trail that I won’t hear or understand back on flat ground? I’ve already tested my knees and legs, and I’ve already proved I can improvise a shelter, so there’s nothing more to prove. What should I do?”

And just then a man and three teenaged boys walked up, fresh from the Colima Trail. They had just seen four bears on the trail about fifty yards from my boulder. I finished my prayer, “Thank you for that confirmation, God. I am heading down now.”

Here’s the thing. I am always nervous during the week leading up to a trip like this. Not about danger or animals, but whether I planned my gear correctly, whether my knees and legs can take it, whether my trail craft will pass Paul’s scrutiny.

In fact, I often entertain secret wishes that something will come up and interrupt my trip and I won’t be able to go but it won’t be my fault and I’ll have a worthy excuse instead of fear. But once I’m in camp and gear is set up, and I sit listening to the wind in the trees, I’m so happy to be exactly where I am, grateful to God for keeping my safe and healthy, thankful that he has blessed me with the desire to do this sort of thing.

It is impossible to prepare for everything. There are simply too many things to consider: rain, park rules, wind, rocky ground, darkness, losing a job, financial ruin, disastrous relationships. Life can throw stuff at us so much faster than we can prepare.

All we can do is depend on experience, insight and grace from God, and plan to accept the discomfort that comes from improvising. The only alternative is to stay inside our safe lives, in our safe circles, among our safe tribes … but trying to live a perfectly safe life comes with its own dangers – we too easily lose heart.

The Bible reminds us to watch over our hearts with all diligence. I don’t know all that means, but I do believe it means occasionally sleeping in the dirt under a makeshift shelter.

“I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free.” Psalm 119:32

I need your help. The primary reason people read these articles is because people like you share with friends, so please do. And thank you. Also, you can find more of my writing on my weekly blog, read insights on Tumblr, and follow me on Twitter and Facebook.

Into the Depths

Do you consider yourself a disciplined person? Do you like to dig in, practice, train in all kinds of weather, study, work hard to get better and understand more? I learned a phrase from Eric Weiner (Man Seeks God): “Insights unearned don’t stick. It’s our sweat and blood that provide the glue, preventing these wisps of clarity from floating off into space.” One morning this week I read from my Daily Bible, from 1 Chronicles 28, where David was moving his son Solomon onto the throne to succeed him as the king of Israel. He gave Solomon lots of advice:

Be careful to follow all the commands of the Lord. This was a call to intentional living, to not merely float through life. Applying yourself to know God’s word and be careful to do what it said was not as an academic exercise but a way of life.

If you seek him, he will be found by you. Sometimes it feels as if God plays hard-to-get, but he wants us to seek him. David, for all his problems and mistakes, sought God his entire life.

Be strong and courageous. Throughout the Bible followers are encouraged to not be afraid, but stand up in strength.

Do the work. While it’s true that salvation through grace is absolutely free, the Bible also tells us to work out our salvation. It takes work to go deeper; work is the stewardship of free grace.

I just finished reading Natalie Goldberg’s newest book, The Great Spring. I’ve read almost all of her books because she inspires me to be a better writer, and to be more honest and transparent about my faith. Her book, Writing Down the Bones, was the first writing book I bought. I remember standing in the bookstore in the mall and showing the book to Cyndi, trying to talk myself into buying it. Cyndi encouraged me to buy it right then.

It wasn’t that I was afraid to spend the money, or that I didn’t read books, but it was my first move toward a life of writing as an ongoing activity. It was the beginning of my study and pursuit and discipline. Somehow, as I stood in the bookstore, I knew I was at a crossroads. Buying this book was a step over the line, moving from curiosity into serious pursuit.

When I read Goldberg I am struck by her description of Zen practice. She will sit for days in silence listening to her own breath. It seems fruitless and mind-numbing to me; yet the hard-core discipline invested into spiritual understanding is attractive. I wonder, what do I do to intentionally draw myself closer to God? What are my meditation-on-the-pillow practices?

Several years ago our Iron Men group went through Calvin Miller’s book, Into the Depths of God. He wrote, “We would like to appear to be like Jesus without the discipline of really being like him. Reading several dozen fill-in-the-blank self-help manuals, we talk ourselves into a spiritual reputation we never really earned.”

Maturity requires going deep into spiritual formation, disciplines and practices, intentional engagement in a relationship with God, setting aside time and energy to pursue God, repeated behavior to convince our own self we are serious. It isn’t because we have to prove anything to God, or earn his acceptance. There is nothing we can do to make him love us more. But we do it in order to change our own thoughts, dreams, feelings, so that we have the desire and capacity to love him more.

“I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free.” Psalm 119:32

I need your help. The primary reason people read these articles is because people like you share with friends, so please do. And thank you. Also, you can find more of my writing on my weekly blog, read insights on Tumblr, and follow me on Twitter and Facebook.

Solving Problems

Does God ever expect us to try solving problems ourselves before he comes to the rescue? I don’t mean – God helps those who help themselves – since most of the time we don’t know how to help ourselves, don’t even recognize the best solutions when we see them. But is it part of trusting God to come to him with ideas? There is a story in the Bible, from Luke 9, about a time when Jesus spent the day with over 5,000 people. As evening approached, the disciples saw a problem looming that they assumed Jesus had overlooked while he was distracted teaching, healing, and ministering. What would these people eat, and where would they sleep?

The disciples were trying to be helpful when they suggested to Jesus, Sent the crowd away so they can find dinner and a place to spend the night. It was the sort of problem-noticing and suggestion-offering that leaders hope to get from their team.

However, instead of offering a suggestion, Jesus caught them totally off guard by saying, You give them something to eat.

What did Jesus expect them to do? Go to town and come back with wagonloads of food? Maybe bring a taco truck caravan? They couldn’t create food out of thin air, and if they suspected Jesus could miraculously create food they didn’t presume on him doing it, so what could they do? Where could they go?

We recently hosted a men’s workshop at our house, and finding enough food for fifteen men was hard enough in a world of grocery stores and food delivery. Finding food for 5,000 people in a 1^st-Century world was impossible.

I doubt Jesus expected his disciples to be successful. He knew it was an impossible assignment for anyone but him. But he wanted them to try. He wanted them to come up with a plan instead of simply pointing out an obvious problem.

And so I wonder … how often does Jesus say to me when I confront him with a major life problem, See what you can do? Probably more often than I realize.

I remember one Saturday afternoon with our nephew, Kevin. It was October 2010, and I spent the morning running the Crossroads Marathon in Odessa. Afterward, all I wanted to do was sit down the rest of the day. Cyndi left for a workshop in San Angelo the minute I got home from the race, so I was on Kevin-duty the rest of the weekend.

He was in the front bedroom working on a new Lego kit he’d received when he brought me his box of parts and instructions. Can you help me Uncle Berry?

Sure. Show me how much you’ve done so far.

He hadn’t done anything so far. He hadn’t even opened the instruction book. He was used to getting more hands-on “help” than I was willing to give in my post-marathon condition.

I said, You start working by yourself, and go until you can’t go any further. You can sit here at my table if you don’t want to be alone.

I want you to help me.

I am helping you. I am helping you learn how to put this together.

I want you to help me.

No, you’re asking me to do it for you, which I won’t do. You start building it yourself and let’s see how far you get. You’re better and smarter than you think you are.

He frowned and moped, but built the first two or three pages himself. When he got stuck I fixed one piece then handed it back to him.

We went through about a dozen iterations of working and asking until the project was finished.

Is that how God wants to solve problems with us? Does he want us to try before asking? Does he hold back from helping us because he wants us to try harder?

I don’t know. I don’t think God holds back so he can see how good we are, but I do think he often wants us to engage in solutions as a form of trust in him. But I believe God is more interested in the process of growing our character and spiritual maturity than in our actual destination in life.

“I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free.” Psalm 119:32

I need your help. The primary reason people read these articles is because people like you share with friends, so please do. And thank you. Also, you can find more of my writing on my weekly blog, read insights on Tumblr, and follow me on Twitter and Facebook.