Adventure in Our Own Backyard

“What’s wrong with your eye?” was the question I kept getting Sunday morning, which surprised me, since my eye wasn’t the part of me that hurt the most. In fact, I was totally unaware of any problem in my eye except that I remembered poking it on a bush branch while digging a ditch across our side-yard flower bed Saturday afternoon. I must have poked it worse than I thought. The parts of me that hurt the most were my hands and shoulders, which also surprised me, since I expected it to be my back and knees. My knees because they always hurt a little bit no matter what, but my back because I shoveled, not just dirt, but heavy sticky clay, for hours Friday and Saturday afternoons. Apparently that put a greater strain on my upper body than my lower body.

In spite of all that, I was a happy man. Why? Because I had taken the first step in fulfilling Cyndi’s anniversary gift wish.

This past July we celebrated 35 years of marriage. First we took a very cool trip to Mexico in May to celebrate. And if that wasn’t enough, when I asked Cyndi what she wanted for her anniversary gift she asked for an outdoor shower.

So this past weekend the weather was finally cool enough, and since it has been raining for two weeks the ground was finally soft enough, for me to begin making Cyndi’s wishes come true, which, as it turns out, is my primary purpose in life.

However, I should back the story up a bit. This idea of having an outdoor shower all started when Cyndi and I attended a retreat at Vallecitos in Northern New Mexico, in 2011.

One night after her workshop and after a late night shower, Cyndi whispered to me (whispering because it was camp silent time) “I took an outdoor shower - I was butt naked - and there was a man in the shower next to me!”

The next day after my morning run I decided I needed to know more about Cyndi’s experience. The outdoor shower turned out to be mounted on a flat wooded balcony that was closed on three sides, including the side between men and women, meaning Cyndi was correct when she said a man was next to her but there was a substantial corrugated tin partition separating them. Hardly as naughty as Cyndi made it sound.

But the third side was open to the mountain and the entire world. Granted, it faced a ravine and a steep wall of Aspens so that someone would have to go to a lot of trouble to find a place to watch naked bathers - probably more trouble than an adult is willing to make.

Still, while showering, you were definitely naked and vulnerable to the outside world in a way that seldom happens as an adult. It was fun, much more fun than a conventional shower, maybe because of the adventure, maybe because of the rarity but also because it felt free and wild.

And then last May at our vacation in Verana, Mexico, the only shower accessible to us was outdoor and open to the Bay of Bandaras. If someone in Puerto Vallarta had a powerful-enough telescope and knew where to look, we were only 16 miles across the water.

By this time we were old hands at showering outside and took it completely in stride. It was after that trip that Cyndi asked for an outdoor shower of her own.

So why am I writing about this except to brag on my own hard work and sore muscles? It goes back to something I read in Patricia Ryan Madison’s book, Improv Wisdom. "There are people who prefer to say Yes, and there are people who prefer to say No. Those who say Yes are rewarded by the adventures they have, and those who say No are rewarded by the safety they attain.

Granted, taking an outdoor shower in our own backyard, which is very small and close and private, is at best, a small adventure. But Cyndi and I know our lives will become more closed and private as we get older unless we deliberately open up. We have to intentionally add vulnerability, say Yes more often, to prevent that progression.

Besides, once we start using the shower, who knows what other adventures will open up to us.

“I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free.” Psalm 119:32

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Eliminating Hurry

Why is it so easy to get too busy? Too busy working and teaching and writing and leading and serving and giving - all important and necessary things - that we never relax? Why would anyone live like that?

Well, speaking for myself, doing lots of stuff all day every day is good for my ego. It’s fulfilling to be a part of so many good things, and being needed by everyone feels nice.

Also, staying busy removes the pressure to do those chores around the home that make it a nice place to live. If I’m busy doing important things I can explain away my slovenly homemaking: “Yeah, my yard is a mess, but it’s because I have been so busy at the church.” Who can challenge that? Staying busy is the best excuse.

My friend Gary Barkalow once said that if we want to follow God, if we want to be able to respond when He calls on our heart, then we have to leave margin in our life. We have to deliberately leave slack in our schedule and empty space on our calendar. Otherwise, we’re too busy to do what He asks - but more importantly – we’re too busy to listen to Him.

The reason I’m writing about this is because I recently finished reading a book by John Ortberg titled, Soul Keeping. He described a conversation with his friend and mentor, Dallas Willard, in which Ortberg asked how a busy pastor like himself could stay spiritually healthy. Willard told him, “You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.”

Not only was that not the advice Ortberg expected to get, it was advice that seemed impossible to follow.

To slow down our life, to eliminate hurry, means we have to turn down some things that we are good at, things everyone else expects us to do. It might mean eliminating something we once chose to do.

I went through this process myself about six years ago without really knowing why it was important. When my twelve years of city government service ended in December 2007, I started paring down many of my obligations. I quite some organizations that had been an important part of my life for a long time. In fact, I left a civic organization that I had helped found and served as president. I don’t know why I was so determined to pare down my schedule except that it seemed I needed a reboot.

As it turned out, had I not done all that, I would never have finished writing my first book, much less two more books after that. I would not have had time to engage in Journey Groups, a discovery and mentoring ministry that has greatly benefited me and lots of other men. I would not have had the energy to devote to teaching in Compass and Iron Men and Axis classes.

My reboot worked. I was spiritually and emotionally healthier, but at the time if felt a little like I was bailing out on people. It felt self-indulgent and irresponsible. And yet, I knew it was important. I still don’t know what prompted me, but it seemed critical at the time.

In the past six years I’ve been better at not scheduling my life to the edges like I used to do. I’ve learned to leave margin in my life.

But still, that was six years ago, and the magnetic pull of busyness is relentless. So when I read Dallas Willard’s advice today I have to reevaluate my current life and wonder where I can eliminate hurry. I don’t immediately know the answer.

The thing is, I’m much more comfortable being busy. But if I want to grow in the Lord, I have to come home to Him, spend time with Him, and relax with Him. I need my home in Jesus. I need space where I don’t have to be afraid, or nervous, or political, where I can relax and linger in my relationship with Jesus.

I believe I am spiritually healthier and more creative when I intentionally leave margin in my life. I think I can do better, though. I need to learn how to be ruthless.

“I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free.” Psalm 119:32

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