A Long Reengagement

      I read on my Facebook Memories that we attended the Instrumental Convergence in Tyler, Texas, March 19, 2016. Traveling to Tyler was my first band trip since the 1979 Orange Bowl, and seeing the post brought back a cascade of memories.

      Our clinician and director for the Instrumental Convergence, Camp Kirkland, quoted from the 1981 movie, Chariots of Fire, about Eric Liddell, the Olympic runner who later served as a missionary in China until dying in a Japanese internment camp in 1945. In the movie, Liddell told his sister: “I believe God made me for a purpose. For China. But He also made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure.” Camp regretted that most people stop quoting the movie at that point, but Liddell actually went on to say, “To give it up would be to hold Him in contempt.”

      It isn’t enough that we feel His pleasure … we’re obligated to give back to God what he has given to us. Poet Jane Kenyon said it well when she wrote that we should “be good stewards of our gifts.”

      Partly because of what Camp said, I reengaged with music and trombone about that time. Not that I ever quit playing in FBC orchestra or MC Jazz Band, but more of an emotional leaning in. I even started taking lessons again, something I hadn’t done since high school.

      I’ve been playing trombone continuously since 1968 when I was in beginner band (so this is my 56th year). It’s longer than I’ve done any activity other than riding a bicycle. But without difficult challenges I got lazy and complacent as a musician. So on my list of 100 Life Goals I included, “Learn to play jazz trombone,” which was not specific enough, but shows this has been on my mind for long time.

      I eventually decided my fear of standing up and playing a solo was less important than my fear of missing out and wishing I’d tried. So I started saying “Yes” whenever a call went out for soloists.

      I suppose it’s about transparency, vulnerability, and the willingness to be a beginner. Am I willing to fail in public the first 200 times I try this, in hopes that someday I’ll be good? Maybe if I knew the payoff was guaranteed it would be an easy decision, but like all significant things, there are no guarantees. I might fail 200 times and not improve at all. So, once again, I have to step out in faith if I want to learn this.

      In the book, Wilderness Wisdom, there is a quote by David Lloyd George: “Don’t be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You can’t cross a chasm in two small jumps.” I wrote in the margin of my book: “Incremental change doesn’t always work.” Sometimes I have to take the giant leap.

      So many adventures happen like that. Somebody is brave and takes a leap forward, a couple more people follow along, we’re brave together, and next thing you know your life is permanently changed. Your vision for musical ministry is blown apart, and you’re playing killer music with powerhouse musicians in your home church with your wife sitting on the second row radiating joy and pride.

      I’m almost 68 years old now; it makes me proud that I can still attempt new things. I never dreamed I would be playing with musicians this talented in this season of life. It makes me happy … this music. It feeds my heart.

            Here is a text I sent to Rabon, my musical sensei, after a concert where we played with Denver and the Mile High Orchestra. “OK. This is your influence on me. I didn’t used to run headfirst into situations where I knew I’d be in over my head. I didn’t take flyers. At most a calculated risk, after some planning. Thanks for opening my world.” 

      We have to say “yes” to the opportunities God brings our way. Some of them, maybe most of them, won’t come around a second time. Taking a big step may change the trajectory of our life.

“I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free.” Psalm 119:32